Sunday

On Sunday we went to our grandson's church to see him be given a Bible. He looked so happy and sweet, very excited about getting that special book. As I sat up as tall as a person who's 4'10" can, straining to catch every smile, I was thankful all over again that I am here to savor such sweetness. Smiling through tears of gratitude, I said a prayer for all those who are  no longer able to experience these moments. I thought especially of the younger ones, like my support group friends John and Roger, who left behind young children and will not be part of so many special times in their children's lives.It doesn't seem fair, and I pray their children will remember how very dear their fathers were. Cancer, you can be so cruel...

A Touch of Melancholy

I'm feeling a little bit melancholy about Thanksgiving. It's second only to Christmas as a special day to me, and it's increased in importance since my cancer experience almost 4 years ago. I was diagnosed with colon cancer the day before Thanksgiving and had my colon resection the day after it. So, Thanksgiving was spent in the hospital instead of around a table with lots of family. As a matter of fact, I didn't get anything to eat because of my impending surgery and all the testing that went before it.

I'm very grateful that my cancer was discovered early, and that I am still (so far!) in the clear. I've been blessed with that, for sure. But it does smart a little that Thanksgiving has that extra bit of importance to me now, but it doesn't seem to be that way for my family. Unless something happens that I'm not anticipating, it will be just Bill and me around a quiet table. Bill's absolutely wonderful, as always, but Thanksgiving to me should be about a bountiful table and lots of sweet faces to gaze at around the table.

For anyone that cares to know, my 4-year anniversary is Nov. 23.

I visited a friend today while she was having chemo at the cancer clinic in our local hospital. It felt odd to go in there just as a vistor. Nobody was checking me over thoroughly or taking my blood. Just, "Hey, Gail. Why are you here today?"

I was struck once again by the good fortune I had to not have to do chemo or radiation. That's one of the biggest gifts God has blessed me with in this life. Of course, when I expressed that to my friend, she reminded me that she's seen me go through so much pain on many occasions, so maybe I haven't skated away scot free.

God bless anyone who has heard the words, "You have cancer."

It's been a bit of time since I wrote. I realized that I never wrote about the results. Everything is okay! The chest x-ray only showed some bronchial thickening, which is probably from past respiratory infections. And the bloodwork numbers were good!!! So, I live to face another day, and I'll use that time to Relay like crazy until a cure is found! Praying for all those not so fortunate...

So I went for an x-ray today. It was a chest x-ray ordered by my family doctor, because I've had a cough for months. It didn't bother me that much at first, but then I started pondering how colon cancer sometimes goes to the lungs, and I started wondering.

I put a tentative post on one of the CRC boards I'm part of, and had a couple of replies from people who said they had a cough when they had lung mets. So the x-ray seemed like a pretty good idea.

So I headed over to registration at the "short stay" section of our hospital. Short stay? How about NO stay! I've been in the "big house" too many times, and I don't care to go again. I tried to be casual as I waited for the receptionist to plug all the info in on the computer. Inside, I wasn't casual at all.

Being anywhere in that building makes me flash back to the day nearly 4 years ago when my life took an ugly turn.I may walk in confident as can be, but by the time I'm standing at that counter, I feel like a little girl waiting for my mommy to come find me.

Today that registration counter made me sad in another way, too. Most times when I am there, one of the volunteers is a lovely lady from my church. She wasn't there today, because tomorrow her journey to healing from breast cancer begins...Praying for you, my dear!

When I finally got called back for the x-ray, that process went very quickly, but it was not without trauma. Why, oh why do they put you in a huge room and tell you to take off your bra? Granted, I got to put my t-shirt back on, but couldn't they let me change in a bathroom or behind a curtain? My "girls" don't like hanging out where anybody could pop the door open at any second.

And there's the matter of taking the x-rays. It's a very easy procedure, especially compared to some of the tests I've had to do. But ever since I had all the tests to discover the cancer, I've felt very vulnerable when I've had to do any test requiring me to lift my arms above my head. It makes me feel so vulnerable and helpless.

At any rate, I seem to have survived the experience. Now to wait for results...

Ouch

So it's another night, another non-sleeping night because of pain. I sometimes wonder why I got off so "easily" with my cancer, while others suffer so much. And then are times like this, when the chronic pain that has plagued me since my colon resection works up to a fever pitch. That's when I remember that easy is a relative term. Yes, I'll take the pain over a recurrence of the cancer. Yes, I got away without having to do chemo or radiation. I know, I know. But could my stomach ever stop hurting?? Please????

A New Relay season

It's been awhile since I've posted! Too busy living life, I guess! The sad part is that while I haven't been writing, I've still heard about several friends being diagnosed with cancer. When does it stop? I wish it would be today!

We just finished up the Relay For Life year, and now we're gearing up for a new one. This will be a very poignant year, because we will be remembering our dear friend and fellow committee member, Gail. She passed away July 13, 2 months to the day from being a survivor speaker at her final Relay. Gail loved pink flamingoes, and we'll likely have a lot of those around in her memory. I remember her sweet smile all the time, but I know that when we get ready for the survivor lap in May, she will be uppermost in my thoughts.