Rest in Peace, Lib

Yesterday I said goodbye to another loved friend who had battled cancer. Although she had lived a good, long life, her loss will be felt greatly by her family and friends. I also regret so much the pain she had to go through on her journey.

Lib's funeral was at our church, and I was a member of the choir. As I looked out at the congregation and around the choir, I could identify several others who, like me, had faced cancer and won (so far). Once again I had to count my blessings and thank God for protection and healing. Oh, that I could grant the same to others...

Walking in the Rain

I know sometimes people probably see me walking down the street to work and wonder what's going on in my head. On days like today, when it was a bit cool and rainy, I was still smiling and bopping along. Every now and then, I lifted my face to feel the cool rain and to drink in the fresh smell in the air. After having cancer, I savor times like that, because they make me feel very alive. To someone who faced a life-threatening illness, feeling alive is FABULOUS.

Even if you've been blessed with the best health ever, try to live with appreciation of every moment, because we never know how many moments there will be.

Breakfast With Santa

On Saturday my Relay For Life team had our annual Breakfast With Santa. This is my favorite fundraiser we do every year. It's so much fun to see the kids in their Christmas clothes, faces all aglow with excitement. We have an excellent Santa who blesses us with his time every year.

I found myself being overwhelmed with joy Saturday as I stirred the hot cocoa and observed the families making Christmas memories. I did, however, find myself having a teary moment as I thought of my friends Roger and John, who will not be with their families this year. Their young ones will be going through the first Christmas without their fathers.

I wiped away my tears and resolved anew to never stop raising money to fight cancer. The work continues...

4 years!

Four years ago this past Wednesday, I was lying in a hospital bed, surrounded by family. I was in great pain from a colon resection, which doesn't sound nearly as rough as it is. It's not for sissies, I'll tell you that!

The good part of that day was when the doctor told me that he thought he "got it all." Believe me, if you have any kind of cancer in your body, those are words you want to hear. I clung to them and prayed they would be true.

I had to wait a few days for the pathology report to come back saying that my lymph nodes looked clean. Whew! I was ready to go home that day, and I was carrying hope in my heart!

I didn't realize then that the "courtesy visit" I was going to pay to an oncologist would turn out not to be my last. No, so far I have not been found to have anymore cancer, but I do go every 3 months to have lab work done, and I see the oncologist every 6 months. The oncology clinic is a place that made me cry on my first visit, and I still feel tense when I step off that elevator, but I have gotten used to it.

I'm sure I will never not worry when I feel sick or something seems to be not functioning well in my body, but I AM more relaxed about things than I was in the beginning. A little time and space will do that for you.

One thing that will always hold true is this. I spent Thanksgiving week 4 years ago getting an unexpected diagnosis, followed quickly by surgery and my entry into the oncology world. So every year for the rest of my life, Thanksgiving will be a time that I will give an extra prayer of thanks for the gift of life.

11 years later...

Bill and I had a great time this past weekend. We went home to Virginia to attend our favorite local event, the best oyster festival ever. So many friends to see, so much good food to eat.

And then an amazing thing happened. A man standing next to us while we waited for the parade to begin, looked at Bill and asked how he might know him. When they discussed where Bill had worked, etc., the man suddenly exclaimed, "My wife is going to want to talk to you!" It seemed she was one of the EMT's who had saved Bill's life in 2000, when he suffered a sudden cardiac arrest. Bill went to the rescue squad building and chatted with her for a bit, and after the parade, we both went back for a longer visit.

Even though it's 11 years since the event, it still is very raw for me. When I hugged that dear lady, all I could do was break into heaving sobs. She was part of a beautiful gift to my family, and I am SO grateful. SO grateful...

Sunday

On Sunday we went to our grandson's church to see him be given a Bible. He looked so happy and sweet, very excited about getting that special book. As I sat up as tall as a person who's 4'10" can, straining to catch every smile, I was thankful all over again that I am here to savor such sweetness. Smiling through tears of gratitude, I said a prayer for all those who are  no longer able to experience these moments. I thought especially of the younger ones, like my support group friends John and Roger, who left behind young children and will not be part of so many special times in their children's lives.It doesn't seem fair, and I pray their children will remember how very dear their fathers were. Cancer, you can be so cruel...

A Touch of Melancholy

I'm feeling a little bit melancholy about Thanksgiving. It's second only to Christmas as a special day to me, and it's increased in importance since my cancer experience almost 4 years ago. I was diagnosed with colon cancer the day before Thanksgiving and had my colon resection the day after it. So, Thanksgiving was spent in the hospital instead of around a table with lots of family. As a matter of fact, I didn't get anything to eat because of my impending surgery and all the testing that went before it.

I'm very grateful that my cancer was discovered early, and that I am still (so far!) in the clear. I've been blessed with that, for sure. But it does smart a little that Thanksgiving has that extra bit of importance to me now, but it doesn't seem to be that way for my family. Unless something happens that I'm not anticipating, it will be just Bill and me around a quiet table. Bill's absolutely wonderful, as always, but Thanksgiving to me should be about a bountiful table and lots of sweet faces to gaze at around the table.

For anyone that cares to know, my 4-year anniversary is Nov. 23.